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The LOLsuit
"Ouzounian is a cuck." -New York Supreme Court Judge Charles E. Ramos Ouzounian vs. Herrera et al ''known colloquially as ''The LOLsuit was is a legal dispute filed in the Supreme Court of the State of New York by plaintiff George Ouzounian against defendants Dax Herrera, Foundation Digital, Greg Bosner, Lauren Baker, Weber Shandwick, Joshua Kaufman, Asterios Kokkinos, Trevor Birt, Patreon, and Jordan Cope. The case was filed in the City of New York in November of 2017 and was presided over by Judge Charles E. Ramos on the 16th of May, 2018. This wiki will provide a basic overview of the case. The courtroom transcript is available here and the corresponding Kiwi Farms thread can be found here. A much less intense synopsis is provided at the bottom of this page. UPDATE: As of June 3rd, 2019 the case is officially closed. UPDATE: As of September 3rd, 2019 the case has been re-instated and will resume on October 16th. 'Case Introduction' Ouzounian's damages per defendant were $20,000,000 plus an additional $180,000,000 and legal fees, totaling a potential judgement of over $380,000,000. Exact numbers are not available due to the plaintiff's complaint being so full of errors that no cognizable claims could be deduced. Ouzounian was represented by Michigan-based attorney Kevin Landau. 'Who is who' *George "Maddox" Ouzounian, Jessica Blum, and their attorney Kevin Landau* *Dax "Dick Masterson" Herrera and his attorney Sarah Matz* *Foundation Digital is Herrera's company, also represented by Matz *Greg Bosner and Lauren Baker are affiliates of Herrera and Foundation Digital *Weber Shandwick is the employer of Asterios Kokkinos and is represented by Michael Munoz* *Joshua Kaufman is an attorney for Weber Shandwick, also represented by Munoz *Asterios Kokkinos* and his attorney Jordan Greenburger* *Trevor "Madcucks" Birt *Patreon *Jordan Cope, a Patreon employee Only the names with apostrophies next to them were present for the case. Maddox was at home playing Dark Souls and Dick was taking copious amounts of LSD in Israel with Steve. 'Part I: The True Meaning of Cucksmas' "The word 'cuck' is going to come up a lot today." -Jordan Greenburger, esq. A particularly amusing opening to the case was Jordan Greenburger's explanation of the word, "cuck," to the ill-informed Charles E. Ramos, followed by an explanation of Asterios Kokkinos' Cucksmas Carols; a Christmas album dedicated to Maddox and his cuckoldry. So too do they determine that "cuck" is akin in severity to "jerk," or "schmuck," and is merely hyperbolic and not defamatory. Judge Ramos asks where harassment may play into the context of the case, because: "I wasn't able to parse from the complaint specifically what your client was being accused of." Greenburger provides his interpretation of the complaint but Judge Ramos requests Kevin Landau, the co-author of the complaint, to elaborate the claims. Landau is a lawyer from Michigan who has several DUI's and cannot legally operate a motor vehicle. Some time before the judge and jury had arrived Asterios witnessed Kevin Landau approach Jordan Greenburger, Sarah Matz and Michael Munoz to say hello but one of them loudly told him to go fuck himself. 'Part II: The Cuck Who Cried Wolf ' When asked to define the claims against Herrera et al, Landau claims invasion of privacy and injunction relief of civil rights. He claims that Herrera and Kokkinos' usage of Ouzounian's name, likeness and voice in their podcast media is commercially exploitative and promotes their business at Ouzounian's professional expense. "They're making fun of your client." "Well, they're doing a bit more than making fun, your Honor." Sarah Matz in-turn explains that the podcast, which Landau claims is the vehicle for Herrera's smear campaign, is totally free. Judge Ramos likens Herrera's show to the way Saturday Night Live may poke fun at President Donald J. Trump - using his image and likeness to sell criticism. Landau then alleges that the defendants' spreading of rumors (though he specifically references the lyrics of "Cucksmas Carols" which are intentionally outrageous) as violation of civil rights. This leads to an awkward deconstruction of Landau's defense culminating with Judge Ramos' summary of the case: "...it sounds like fake news." The back-and-forth hereafter includes some quotes of Asterios' tweets as well as a few lines from The Dick Show but they go nowhere since such activities are protected by the First Amendment. Finally, Landau produces a document which he claims proves harrasment by Trevor Birt. The document is a print-out of a reddit thread of one of Madcucks' Alphabet for Socially Concious Like Minded Individuals threads. Whilst trying to defend himself for bringing in an obvious peice of satire as evidence, Landau interrupts Judge Ramos one too many times thus prompting the judge to bang his gavel and shout: "I will have you in handcuffs and in prison for contempt of court!" Twelve seconds of silence follow. 'Part III: The Good, The Bad, and the Cuckold ' Judge Ramos' attention turns to Foundation Digital and its affiliates Greg Bosner and Lauren Baker. They live in and are based in California, but according to Landau, they have conducted business in the State of New York. Sarah Matz responds with that fact that although Foundation Digital has worked with such international and domestic clients such as Disney and ESPN, none of their past or current clients have offices in the State of New York. Landau's rebuttal points out that Foundation Digital's vice president Dax Herrera has sold books in New York - to which Judge Ramos seemingly gets fed up with and declares his judgement. "Let me end it right now." Judge Ramos dismisses Dax Herrera, Greg Bosner, Lauren Baker and Foundation Digital on no jurisdiction. He opens up the possibility for cross-sanctions between Kokkinos and Ouzounian. Landau also declares that he will re-plea his case in California but he never does. "I have to pay respects to Judge Ramos. I mean, what a mensch! BA HA HA HA!" -Apostrophos 'Maddox the Job Assassin ' It is theorized by lawyer and friend of The Dick Show Nick Rekieta that Ouzounian included Patreon in the suit in the hopes that the company would settle out-of-court for a large sum of money. Jordan Cope, a Patreon employee, was sued separately in Maddox's hope that Patreon would terminate Cope's employment. So too was Weber Shandwick sued separately from Asterios Kokkinos for the same reason. Joshua Kaufman's engrossment in the case stems from a February 2016 interaction between Kaufman and "Heather S," an anonymous individual who accused Asterios of online bullying and harassment. Madcucks is named but the extent of his involvement is unknown. Greg Bosner and Lauren Baker were involved in Maddox's attempt at Dax Herrera being relieved as vice president of Foundation Digital. 'Maddox's Strike 1' The case opens with the attorneys concluding that although the case is filed and presided in a New York court, the only defendants the court has jurisdiction over are Kokkinos and Weber Shandwick. However, since all but two of the defendants are based in California, Oklahoma and Delaware respectively, they could vouch to dismiss the case on a clause of improper venue. Maddox's Strike 2 Maddox and Jane Doe (who identifies herself as Jessica Blum in the complaint and nullifying her initial attempt to remain anonymous) claim that their livelihoods have been impacted by the ongoing harassment inflicted by Dick and the other seven defendants. They have no way to prove this though. Instead Landau explains that Jane Doe's modeling career has suffered immensely due to her personal and private information being leaked and her professional reputation hampered. Again, there is literally no way to prove this especially since she began modeling shortly before the case began. A person can't lose what they didn't already have. Maddox's Strike 3 Landau alleges that The Dick Show uses its influence to tarnish and defame the professional reputation of Maddox. So too does Maddox face harassment from online entities associated with or under the direction of Dick and Asterios. Basically Maddox is getting criticized on the internet and he feels the law is being broken, except it isn't, and his blatant ignorance of the First Amendment got the case thrown out. A possible justification for Landau's bizarre conduct may be explained by an anecdote shared by Asterios some time after the case, saying; "Landau. That guy was trying to get out of the courtroom like a kid waiting for the final bell on the last day of school." Seeing as Maddox failed to pay Landau after the case got thrown out, it's entirely possible that Landau flubbed the case because he knew there was no way of winning. Legal Eagle Nick Rekeita theorized that it was Landau's incentive to sue Patreon and Jordan Cope so as to make a settlement deal with Maddox in order to make up for the money Maddox couldn't cough up. Dick Masterson also theorized that Landau is a psychopath who preys on unstable individuals and encourages them to sue large corporations so that he can reap the settlement. 'LOLsuit 2: Asterios Boogaloo' In November 2018 Asterios announced that his motion for sanctions against Maddox had been approved by the Supreme Court of New York. Asterios, Jordan Greenburger, Kevin Landau and New York Justice Andrew S Borrok appeared in court on June 3rd, 2019. Judge Ramos had since retired and could not serve the case. Dick Show field reporter MatsuMohou posted his summary of the case to r/TheDickShow where he recalled the following: #Landau returned to the case due to a "threatening" conversation between him and Jordan Greenburger after the initial suit - the conversation in question stemmed from Greenburger and Joshua Kaufman alerting Landau to the fact that their complaint listed Maddox and Heather S as the same person, which, had the error been discovered by Judge Ramos would put Landau in contempt of court #Greenburger wanted to move against Maddox for criminal impersonation in the case of Heather S. vs. Weber Shandwick #Justice Borrok could find no assertainable case against Maddox in the Heather S. case - Greenburger pointed out that Landau's complaint lists Heather as "she" but Justice Borrok explains that we live in a time where we cannot assume Maddox doesn't identify as a woman #Greenburger accused Maddox's cross-sanctions to be frivolous and he should be reported to the district attorney #Justice Borrok told Landau that his and Maddox's complaint was "inappropriate, deeply troubling," and made him, "very very frustrated" #Judge Ramos was also incredibly upset by the case #Justice Borrok retreated for five minutes and returned to declare that Landau's motion is groundless and Greenburger's sanctions are nullified 'The Restraining Order' On May 17th, 2017 an individual identifying herself as "Jessica Redacted" contacted several schools in the Los Angeles School District leaving several complaints against 80's Girl, who is employed at one such school. 80's Girl chose to issued a restraining order against Metal Jess. On June 6th 80's Girl, accompanied by Dick and Kian Magana, made her case against Jess. During the proceedings Jess produced an 80 page booklet containing Dick's tweets which she used to justify her actions while simultaneously admitting to trying to get 80's Girl fired from her job. The order was successfully served after some short deliberation by Dick Show lawyer Kian Magaña. The full story is told on The Dick Show episode 55 - "Dick on Court." 'Impact' The LOLsuit is one of the most, if not the most notorious piece of Dick Show history - its influence reaches beyond the community, having spawned multiple threads on Reddit, Facebook, and Kiwi Farms. In January 2019 VICE published a perspective of the story, specifically focusing on the ongoing feud between Maddox and Asterios. Nick Rekieta of Rekieta Law has published several videos covering both the LOLsuit and the ensuing drama. Finally, many members of the Dick Show community consider the LOLsuit to be the point at which Maddox's doxxing, harassment, and general douchebaggery became irredeemable - permanently staining his reputation and causing irreparable damage to the lives and livelihoods of several people including his own. Dick once or twice mentioned wanting to film a dramatic reenactment of the courtroom drama but this has yet to come to fruititon. 'Tl:dr' Maddox sued Dick and Asterios using a hack attorney in the wrong state for an extraordinary amount of money - as well as sued a group of other people including Dick and Asterios' business partners in the hopes of them losing their jobs. Maddox lost because he did absolutely nothing right and Dick and his associates had to pay upwards of $37,000 in fees. Asterios Kokkinos filed sanctions due to losing his job post-suit but the case can no longer move forward due to a New York Supreme Court Justice throwing the case out. Asterios has stated that this is not the end for him or the case, in fact the case is set to resume this October and could very well see its conclusion sometime in 2020. To be continued